Hannah: What I've learned in the last 56 hours

I feel a strong urge to blog again. Can you feel it?

I am blown away at the responses I've gathered through Blogspot, Facebook, and Instagram, not to mention the countless texts I've received and kind words I've shared in between. I really was not aware of what a strong support group I have surrounding me. I've been showered with encouragement, love, and commiseration. I seriously love you all.

Remember that email I sent my patient? The one I posted yesterday? Well I received a response from him not long after I shared my story. He said,

"Hannah

I am so sorry your GI tract let you down during your first marathon. This was not a conditioning issue.

As you may recall, I am a gastroenterologist and I would be happy to discuss your situation if you would like. Please give me a call this evening."

Well holy crap. You better believe I called him right up. It was a wonderful phone call and I would like to share our conversation as I feel it would be beneficial to many runners, not just myself.
Note: I will not use his name for obvious reasons, and I really don't feel like giving him a fake name. I am just going to straight up apologize for the overuse of the words "He", "Him", "His", and so on. I'm aware of my poor editing.

1. He stated that every marathoner has that bad race that haunts them forever. We agreed it was good I got mine out of the way early in my running career :) He shared his experience running his first marathon and I was surprised to find out he fractured his foot and didn't get the pleasure of running across the finish line. He had to walk. This man later turned out to be a frequent Boston marathoner.

2. He shared with me that it's unfortunately very common for runners to experience GI issues during a marathon. These issues usually arise halfway into the race. My issues developed a little sooner than halfway which just goes to show that every body is a little different. If I had issues from the start, it would have likely been related to something else, be it nerves or eating the wrong food.

3. My patient then came to share with me that he has done many studies on what to eat before a marathon. This had the biggest impact on me. I have always generally had digestive issues my whole life. Random food just doesn't settle well with me and it's very inconsistent. One day I can eat gluten, the next day I'm curled in a ball because my stomach pain is so intense. Some days I can eat dairy in all its forms, the next day a cup of yogurt will throw me off. He told me the single best thing you could do is empty your colon before running a long race like a marathon.
How do you do that when you have to load up on carbs the day before?
Consume liquids that are high in calories and carbohydrates. He gave me this bit of advice from his own experience as he too suffers from occasional GI problems during a marathon.
I've been trying to come up with good suggestions to share and I think one thing I would do is make a smoothie with bananas, berries, raw oats, a little brown rice protein powder, and make it very runny so it's easier to digest. I also like to imagine that I could eat some of my GU the day before too since it's high in carbs and oh so yummy. I will ask him what he personally consumes when I see him in 2 weeks.
One thing that really baffles me about this is he told me not to load up on pasta and bread. I am not an experienced runner but I ran cross country when I was younger and I remember every Friday night before our track meets we would all gather at the school and have a big spaghetti dinner. The night before any race, even a 5K, I'll have pasta and bread. It's what I've always done. It's what my coach always told me. It's what I read to do in my marathon books. How could everyone else be wrong? I'm not doubting his advice in any way; I actually think it is quite straightforward. It's almost so obvious I feel silly for not thinking of it myself. But that's why he is a gastroenterologist and I am not.

I run so I can eat more GU. It's practically a hobby. 

4. He told me that my experience in not being able to complete the marathon was not a fitness issue. It was not because I didn't train hard enough and it was not because I wasn't prepared for it. He said it was simply a battle against the elements and that I shouldn't wait until December to run my next marathon. (!!!)
He said my body is a marathon body (how cool is that?) and even if I consistently run from now until the time I start training in the fall, my body is in peak performance now and I should begin a marathon training program soon provided I can find one that is appropriate for me over the summer.
Well I live in Peoria, Arizona and there is no way you could get me to run a full marathon after April. I'm a novice. I would have to go up north to Flagstaff. The altitude does worry me a bit though. I could deal with it for my half marathon, but could I handle it for my full marathon not having a chance to train in it at all? I am going to say no. The most I could do is run a marathon in the fall and start training for it in the summer. That will take lots of thought though.

I felt worlds better after having that conversation. Please nobody take this the wrong way but I think it was nice to receive such reassurance from somebody who isn't emotionally related to me. Now all I can do is think about my half marathon in three weeks and when I'll gather the willpower to sign up for another marathon!

Do you have any experiences you would like to share regarding do's and dont's as a long distance runner? I'm really so new to this still and I feel like I have so much to learn!

Happy evening everyone!
Hannah

Hannah: Triumphs and Speed Bumps

Yesterday was the day of the first marathon I would attempt.
This is the story about that experience.
It is rather agonizing to type the entire story; however, I will copy and paste an email I sent to a dear patient of mine. He is a boston marathoner and we have recently bonded over running.

He was in my office on Thursday and as he was leaving, he took my hands, looked me in the eyes, and said, "No matter how slow you think you're going in the first five miles, you're not going slow enough." Those words burned in my brain.

And this is how things went down.

Good evening!

It's Hannah from [your dental] office. I promised you I would tell you about my experience yesterday and I'm sticking to it.

I have to start off by telling you it's not a good story. I'm actually typing this with heavy fingers.

I did not finish.

I had been sick with the flu and a sinus infection three weeks before the race. Whether or not that had anything to do with it, I do not know. I felt great the week of my race and that left me rather optimistic. I drank a minimum of 80 oz of water each day, and loaded up on healthy carbs that week. I hadn't consumed alcohol since New Years and I eliminated gluten and dairy from my diet (my tummy prefers it that way). My breakfast was the exact breakfast as any other long distance run as well, two eggs, toast with fig preserves, an orange, and green tea. I was well rested and quite positive yesterday morning. I did get a little emotional as my boyfriend drove me to Verado, where the start line was. But I'm always emotional. I was soon greeted by a friend who was running the marathon as well and it helped calm my nerves. When the race started, I remembered what you said and I kept checking my watch to focus on my pace. The beginning of the race is downhill and I didn't want that to mess with my head. I slowed my pace down 30 seconds and felt my feet sync with a woman running to my left. We were at the exact same pace so I kept it up, even though it was slower than my adjustment. 

I tell you, everything felt amazing. I was in good spirits and made friendly chat with the gal I was pacing with. I had fun with the police officers and spectators. That's all I wanted was to have fun my first time. My pace buddy started to speed up but I liked my pace and wanted to stay there a little longer.

Then, I came upon mile 8 and started to feel.... different. I got diarrhea and began to vomit. I thought it might have been some lingering anxiety so I kept running after a bathroom break. But about every mile after that I would throw up and had to stop at every porta potty. My fluid consumption seemed frequent. I ran with a water bottle and utilized the gatorade that was being handed out. I also stuffed some GU in the pouch on my water bottle that I used. For some reason, my stomach was not loving this run.

Anyway, by the time I reached my 17th mile I saw my mom standing ahead with a sign for me. It gave me a confidence boost and helped steady myself but once I reached her I stopped. She came to me and I explained what had happened. She told me to run one more mile as she got in the car and drove alongside me (we were in a neighborhood). I couldn't run without dry heaving. She told me to stop worrying about the race and worry about my health and it took me a couple minutes to realize she was right.

Yesterday the marathon was much bigger than me.

I spent the rest of my day crying and feeling sorry for myself. I really felt like a failure. I had never quit anything before except my High School job. I've never ran a race I could not finish. I felt like I let everyone down, including you. I wanted to give you a victorious story and I know it sounds childish but I think I waited this long to email you because I was hoping it was just a horrible dream. I feel like I had a miscarriage. I had been training for this race for twenty weeks. It is the longest I have ever devoted myself solely to one challenge, aside from school. I feel like this marathon was my baby and I lost it. I pre-ordered my 26.2 sticker and bought a funny marathon t-shirt that says "26.3-- I got lost". I'm going to get those items in the mail this week and receiving those packages will be little stabs that remind me what I did not have. I also have the coolest race shirt I've ever gotten and my bib that I don't know what to do with. Right now they are just painful reminders.

 As we were driving to my house, my mom showed me a pair of new running shoes. She said she was going to put them on and run the last .5 mile with me. It's over a large bridge that gives one huge hill before the finish. She was going to cross the finish line with me. Stab, twist.

Today has been easier. I signed up for the Peoria half marathon in three weeks. I need a triumph soon and I think that race will lift me up.

One friend of mine had to remove herself from the race about a month ago because she had shin splints. We made a pact to run the Tucson marathon this December together. I don't think I will plan on training for a marathon any sooner. I'll keep up with running throughout the week, and I'll likely run a couple more half marathons before then.

Yesterday was a really tough day for me. I admire you even more now for not only being a marathoner, but a Boston qualifying marathoner!

If memory serves me correct, I'll be seeing you in my office right before my half marathon. I'll be looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. You're the first person I actually told the whole story to.

Sincerely,

Hannah

Yeah. It did not go as planned. I wish I knew what caused my body to react that way so I can know what to do to in the future to prevent that from happening.
But to lighten the mood, here are some pictures from the beginning of my day, when I felt I could accomplish anything!

Ready to leave the house!

Emily had the GREATEST bib in the world!

Right past mile marker 1. The lady in the grey shirt is the one who became my pace buddy.

 All in all, it was a gorgeous day for a run. And I'm amazed I got as far as I did. I started feeling sick at mile 8 but I ran a total of 17 miles.

Crystal and I made a pact to run the Tucson marathon this December so we can both fight through it together.
Until then, I'm going to focus back on rock climbing with running as my side hobby. I miss rock climbing and I need to desperately work on my strength again!

Hannah: Tucson Half Marathon

Seven days ago I ran the Tucson Half Marathon. It was my second half marathon and a really wonderful experience. I have been dying to post my story on here. It's very long because I'm long winded so you probably only need to read the last paragraph and look at the pretty pictures.
My marathon training is a 20 week program. My long run at week 10 was supposed to be 12 miles but I figured, why not add 1.1 miles and turn it into a race? I'm sure I speak for many when I say I run much differently when I'm by myself than I do when I'm racing with thousands of people. Races help me gauge exactly how well I'll do with the added anxiety, stress, and masses of people running at different paces. You can't beat the energy of race day, no matter the distance.
I had to drive 2 hours south of my home to Tucson on Saturday so I could make it to the expo and claim my SWAG. This was the first race where I was going to be completely by myself which was nerve wracking. I made a quick stop at Kalens nephew's 3rd birthday party and then it was just me, the I-10, and my iPod. I arrived at packet pickup and got my bib #2328, a new tech shirt to add to my small collection, and my drop bag. I didn't have a desire to shop around the expo even though there were things that definitely caught my interest. I did pick up a pair of $2 gloves to have in case it was cold when the race started. Best decision I ever made.
I stayed at Towne Place Suites by Marriott which appealed to me for two reasons. One, they had a shuttle that would take me directly to the main shuttle area. The less driving for me on the morning of a race, the better. Two, getting a suite meant I had a kitchen in my room which is better than any continental breakfast on this earth. As soon as I checked in, I was given a goody bag that said "Good luck runner!" on the front and had Gatorade, an apple, an orange, pretzels, and a granola bar. I'm still quite new to the racing world and I am sure lots of hotels do this but this was the first time it was done for me. I was so touched by the gesture and the helpfulness of the staff at that hotel. The receptionist then told me that the shuttle would leave my hotel at 3:45am. Ok, that's fine. I'll get up at 3:00 and be ready in time. I went into my room which was just gorgeous and organized my clutter. I explored the hotel lobby and found a treadmill. An unoccupied treadmill. I bolted up the three flights of stairs, threw on my Vibram Five Fingers, and dashed back down pleased to find that nobody claimed the only treadmill in the hotel. I wanted to run three miles as that was my scheduled distance for the day but decided to stop at mile one because I forgot I hate treadmills and can't think of a better way to get bored. Besides, I had just enough time to eat dinner and then go to bed. Before I left to Tucson I had researched some gluten free restaurants near my hotel and found an Italian restaurant 2 miles from where I was staying that had gluten-free options. Hell yes. Still in my running clothes, I drove to Zona 78 which was absolutely packed with runners. So cool. There actually weren't any tables available but since I was by myself, I stole one of the only empty seats at the bar. I got the classic Spaghetti and Meatballs with quinoa pasta (freaking delicious!) and about half a gallon of water. The group of three to my right were all running the full marathon and seemed very relaxed. The couple to my left were Tucson residents and had no idea there was a race the next day. I heard them talking to the bartender about it and decided to politely chime in with details. They seemed so amazed that I was running a half marathon and training for a full. I forget sometimes that this is not normal to many people. The lady asked me how I manage to run 13.1 miles, and how I push myself to run longer distances every time. I told her, "I don't. To me, I can't run 13 miles. That's just too far. But I can run three miles. All I do is worry about the first three miles. Then I tell myself, 'Just add two more miles. You're over halfway to five.' So I run two more miles because two miles isn't scary to me. Then, I tell myself, 'You're just now starting the race. Run three miles. These are the first three miles of your race.' Somewhere in those next three miles I forget how far I've ran and then I realize I'm at 8 miles. I'm over halfway done. At that point I just listen to the beats in my earphones and match my stride so that I keep moving faster. When I reach ten miles I think, 'Oh my gosh I am at ten miles? I can run three more. Just three more. That's OK.' My brain is so stupid that I fall for it every time. Thirteen miles is a scary thought when you're running. If I don't break it down, I will be too overwhelmed." The lady just stared at me baffled for a minute and then said, "That's the best explanation I've ever heard!" I felt a little cool and proud of my methods. We chatted for a while longer and I actually found out that her husband ran in the very first LA Marathon and got 3:58:-- for his time! So amazing. I left the restaurant very full and very relieved.
Once I made it back to my hotel I carefully laid out all of my essentials for the next day. I love doing it for two reasons. One, I am a frantic mess when I'm stressed out and if I don't lay everything out the night before I will forget something. Like the time I forgot to put on socks. Two, I love to Instagram my race day outfit with my bib attached.
I called Kalen and received some last words of love and encouragement from him which I was desperate for. I shared my goals with him one last time. My Sedona Half Marathon official time was 2:45:37. I was horribly slow and I knew I was very likely to set a new Personal Record this race. My Nike+ app estimated my finish time to be 2:26:31. I wanted to make my goal a little bit more interesting. I wanted to aim to finish at 2:15:00. I told Kalen if I use the downhill to my advantage and steady myself at the beginning, that I really think I can get it. He told me he was so certain I could finish even faster than that. I felt like that was a little out of reach but I loved hearing how confident he was in me. I was going to push myself for him. Although Kalen hates running, he is almost like my coach.
At 7:00pm, it was lights out.
I couldn't sleep. It was horrible. I tossed and turned and changed positions in the bed. I couldn't rest. That is, until I woke up and realized all of that was a dream. I had a perfect nights rest with no interruptions but the fact that I dreamed I was restless left me very confused in the morning. I actually woke up an hour before my alarm was set but I was not going to risk falling back asleep because I felt so wide awake. At two in the morning! Why was I up so early?? I made some green tea, my Emergen C glucosamine drink, and cooked my breakfast. I had eggs, gluten free toast with fig jam, and an orange. I was so surprised I ate everything. Normally when I'm nervous I have no appetite. I slowly got ready and enjoyed the extra hour I had to triple check everything. I had my compression pants, long sleeved shirt, jacket, hat, gloves, shoes, socks, sunglasses, sports bra, my phone, headphones, Nathan hydration pack (one bottle with Jack3d, and one bottle with electrolytes.), four packets of Clif Shots, chap stick, compression band for my knee, and moleskin. When the time came, I went down to the lobby where I would wait for my shuttle. It was 3:30am. There was only one man there early like me. We drank some Gatorade provided by the hotel and he ate a bagel while I drooled in envy. He told me he was running the marathon and he was making it his last marathon. This man was 75. I asked him why this was his last and he said, "Ten is enough for me." He gave me a lot of advice on my run that morning as well as my upcoming marathon. I loved talking with this man. He was from Ann Arbor and had a Michigan sweater on so we got along very well. We never properly introduced each other but he knew I was a member of Further Faster Forever, and he was a member of the Dead Runners Society (best name ever haha). We talked for about 20 minutes until our shuttles came to take the 26.2'ers to their start line, and the halfers to our main shuttles. At this point the lobby had about 15-20 runners. All but four of us were running the full marathon. Us four runners piled into a town car that drove us to the medical facility where the buses would be waiting. We nervously situated ourselves in the vehicle and it was in that moment we all asked ourselves, "Why the Hell are we up this early?" The race started at 7:00 and it was 4:00am when we arrived at the buses. The four of us were the very first people to arrive at the buses. We were the first people on the first bus. WHY WERE WE REQUIRED TO BE THERE SO EARLY?! The next three hours were cold, wet, and very drawn out. I made friendly conversation with the bus driver and the man sitting next to me, Lance. Our bus was the first bus to head to the start line. I had the map of the race embedded in my brain which came in handy when our bus driver got lost. I was sitting in the front seat so I helped him navigate. The thing is, we were on the right street but we couldn't find the start line! Oh, yeah that's right. That's because we were there so flipping early the start line hadn't even been put up yet! We spotted the line of porta pottys and decided this was where the start was (duh). A small number of us hopped out of the bus to use the porta pottys but they were zip tied shut (good grief). Somebody asked, "Is it OK if we use these?", and I ran up to one, ripped the zip tie and said, "YUP!" The next few minutes was heaven. For the very first time, I got to use a completely clean porta potty. It was amazing. I love porta potties even at their dirtiest but this was divine. Ahem- ok so blah blah blah we are waiting on the bus. I'm trying to politely barrier myself from Lance who is a major spitter and his saliva is freaking cold! Gross, man. Anyway, the sucky thing is the school bus we were on was one of the drop bag spots so we had to get off of the bus earlier than those on the charter buses. This was about 5:00. Two hours of standing in 30-something degree weather is not fun. I'm a Phoenician for crying out loud. My blood is my thinnest attribute! The photographers from Marathon Foto were running around snapping photos of us standing outside waiting which was actually a little fun...

Oh yeah, I also took Kalens pajama pants with me
so I could wear them before the race started. I
love myself sometimes.

"Well, here we are...."

The photographers really went photo crazy.

Scarfing down an apple 15 minutes before
the race started.

Just seconds away from starting. WOO HOO! The sky was so dark and cloudy when we started. It was unofficially freezing and I was so happy I bought those warm, inexpensive gloves

About half a mile in, if that.

The course for Tucson is notorious for being downhill practically the entire way. For the marathoners, the first couple miles determine how you will do in the race. I talked with a lot of people who had done the full before and they all said the start of the marathon is so steep downhill that if you're not careful, you can blow out your quads. The half marathon was also very steep downhill at times which is something I can hardly train for in flat Peoria. I told myself to start off slow and get a feel for the road. My goal was to hit 11'00"/mile for the first 1-2 miles and boost it up slowly from there. I started off listening to CCR and I really felt like I was holding back. I was so certain I was going to hit an 11 minute mile. So when my Nike+ app told me my first mile was 10'25" I was totally shocked. I wanted to slow down but then I thought about it again and realized, I felt great! I was just breezing through. I didn't want to slow down. In the back of my head I was scolding myself assuming I would be a tragedy who hits the wall at mile 10 like my last half marathon. I was too stubborn to slow down though. 

Mile 2 was 9'58". I never run that fast anymore!

Mile 3 was 10'09". Not bad!

I was feeling so great. At Mile 4 I ate my first Clif Shot, just as planned. 10'06".

I think this was around mile 5.

Mile 5 was 10'02". My Nike+ app was keeping me in line and every mile seemed to come faster and faster. I kept thinking, I ran another mile already? And then I heard my music cut out. It cut out the way it does two seconds before I get a phone call. Lo! And behold, my phone starts to ring. Come on now. I glance down at my phone and see that it is my boss. "AW COME ON!" I yelled the way you yell at the TV when Tebow does yet another embarrassing play. I startled the runners around me and had to assure them, "My boss is calling me." They all understood and kinda laughed to themselves. UGH. I ignored the call and kept trying to fumble with my phone without messing up my pace. I somehow managed to text him 'Can't talk. I'm racing.' (Which he knew.) I was so frustrated but I told myself to turn my frustration into power and run through it.

Mile 6 was 10'04". I set a new record for my fastest 10k in this race, hitting the 10k mark at 1:01:28. Maybe my boss should call me during ALL of my races. (I'm not serious.) Around this time, I started receiving text messages from my dear friends in Phoenix. My mom, Kalen, Andy, Crystal, Robin, and Emily were giving me the perfect words of encouragement. I feel so lucky to have a great support group.

Mile 7 was 10'11" and it did feel a little slumpy. I ate my second Clif Shot and powered back up.

Mile 8 was my fastest mile, marking it at 9'45". I was giddy.

Then mile 9 happened. Mile 9 was a jerk-off. Everything felt great. I was loving the course, even the slight inclines. My playlist was perfect. I felt so strong. And then as I'm running I look ahead and see the road go up. Straight up. It was such a steep hill and I was cursing under my breath. I was so slow getting up that hill and really had to breath heavy to distract myself. I still made it through mile 9 at 9'58" but I was so beat from that climb. Clouds Over California was the song that came on while I was running up that hill which was the perfect song for me to hear at that point because

it was the song I finished my first half marathon to and ever since then it always pumps me up.

Throughout my run so far I had passed about three or four water stations and did not stop for any water. I had been sipping my Jack3d and my electrolytes without a desire for actual water. I was feeling great and didn't even have to use the bathroom. I knew I had gone this far in the race, and I was going to keep it that way. No water stops, no potty breaks.

Mile 10 was 10'08". I told myself from then on out I would make only negative splits. I was going to be done soon. I wasn't hitting a wall or feeling fatigued. I felt relaxed, steady, and confident the past 10 miles, even after my climb up the Tower of Babel. I'm so dramatic. The course was weaving through ranch homes around mile 9 and it was where we really started seeing spectators. Spectators are the unsung heroes. I totally give credit to the people who line the course with signs, cheering and whistling every runner that passes just so they can catch a glimpse of the person they are really there for dashing past them. They got me through the last few miles even though I didn't feel like I needed it at the time. I saw a sign that said "You are stronger than you think" and I wanted to start crying. Some girls had signs that said "Run like you are in the Hunger Games" and "May the course be with you". I love you, whoever you are. And of course there are funny signs like the man who wrote "What were you thinking?" I love spectators. 

Mile 11 was 10'02". Negative split.

Turned the corner at Mile 12. 9'47". Negative split. I started passing people like crazy. Everyone stopped running! There was a small stretch where I felt like I was the only one who kept running. This sweet lady tried talking to me and I didn't want to be rude so I took out an ear bud and just encouraged her to keep going and that she had one mile left. I threw my ear bud back in as I felt her muffled voice still calling to me as I ran away. Sorry lady. I had to get negative splits!

I know exactly what my eyes were fixed on in
this picture. I could see the finish chute.
I started feeling all tingly and emotional.
Also, look at that guy cheating. Riding his bike
and all. haha

I could see the sign ahead marking mile 13. It was the best feeling ever, knowing that it would all be over soon. I pumped my legs harder and stared at that finish chute ahead.

Speeding up to my last obstacle: beating the
man who was in front of me the entire race.

I know some people advise not to do this, but I do it anyway. I sprint to the finish line. Why the heck not? Yes I know you are more susceptible to injury that way but when I am almost there, I can't hold back. I have to give every last ounce of energy I have. I have to set a new PR. I have to finish in 2:15:00. I turned into the chute and saw the clock. I started running at 7:04am and the time on the clock said 2:15:00. I was going to beat my goal! I start passing people. My legs were moving so fast. It felt amazing.

One, two, three, four, five people I counted myself pass and then I saw one person in front of me. The man who I stayed behind the entire run. He was my pace setter. But now I had to beat him. I wish I knew exactly how fast I ran because I really felt like I was sprinting 7'00"/mile in the last seconds. I came up on him fast and I felt him notice me. He brought all he had to the table and sped up. We were neck and neck. Everything went quiet and I couldn't hear my music or the cheering. I couldn't hear my footsteps. I felt my eyes tear up. I just saw that pad which signified my official time. My foot had to touch it before his. I had to beat him. In the very last moment I saw both of our right feet slap that pad at the exact same time. We were a dead on tie. I checked. We high fived and that was it. A man gave me a bottle of water and placed my medal around my neck. I had my finish line picture taken. I was crying. It was amazing.

I feel so much every time I look at this picture. Look at the clock behind me!!!

Waiting for me at the finish line were two of my dear friends, Robing and Gregg. I heard Gregg ask me "Are you ok?" as I was moving around the barricade to hug them. I think he might have thought I was injured. I assured them I was amazing and I tried to mumble the words "I set a new personal record!" Almost immediately, I got a phone call from my beloved Kalen. He got a text message the second I finished and he was just as excited and proud of me as I was. He was anxiously waiting by his phone to receive the message saying I finished. I love that man. Robin, Gregg, and I drove to get some victory food. I scarfed down eggs, chorizo, and potatoes, two cups of coffee, a mimosa, and lots of water. I felt like I was delusional. I kept replaying it all in my head. Heck, I still can't stop replaying it in my head. That's why my bloggy blog post is so long..... haha. It was an amazing trip, an amazing run, and amazing to spend time with my dear friends after. They told me all about their backpacking trip they just returned from in the Gila Wilderness. We shared stories of our speed bumps and victories. 

My official time was 2:12:07. Not only did I set a new Personal Record, I beat the estimated time that Nike+ thought I would finish at, and I beat my own personal goal! This was the best run I have ever experienced. Thanks for reading my rambles and I'm sorry but my marathon post will be twice as long (get it?).

Much love, Hannah

Life is a fucking roller coaster!

This post is loooong overdue, but here it goes.

My life has been a hot mess since August. It's literally been one thing after another. I keep trying to write this post but like always, I get too long winded and honestly, do you guys really care about every gory detail of my life? Probably not. Here is the bullet point version of my life from the last few months:

• July: Great weeklong vacation to Maine with Kyle and his family! Life it good!

  

  Maine, you're pretty sexy

• Get back from Maine, turns out I will not be getting paid for the 6 days I took off, like I was originally told. FUCK.
  
• August: Two weeks after coming back from vacation my tire blows out on the way to work. FUCK. $130 later, it's fixed. Good thing for that PTO, not.
  
• ONE week after the tire episode, my passenger side window EXPLODES into a million pieces out of thin air. FUUUCK. $140 later, it's fixed.
  
• The start of marathon training, week one is great, first long run is slow, but I feel great after. I go into my second week of training, OUCH. Is this what shin splints feel like? I'll run through it! I go to do my third run of the week, just an easy 4 mile run, and I turn around after one mile, in tears, limping. Is this real life? After lots of reading up on shin splints I decide to take two weeks off. FUCK. This is not a good start to my training. The time off serves well though, I get back to running with some KT tape and PRO compression socks in tow and feel great! ...for a few days. FUCK. I keep this cycle going for the next few weeks: take time off, feel better, pain, lather, rinse, repeat. I start freaking out. I obviously can't run the Tucson Marathon at this rate, I am completely under trained. I only have 1 long run under my belt. I feel depressed. I feel stressed. I develop insomnia thinking about running all the time. I decide to not train for my marathon. I can sleep again, hooray!
  
• September: Financially speaking, we are doing better, hooray!
  
• Call from my brother, he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant AGAIN. He's 20. SIGH.
  
• September 21^st- My 26th birthday, hooray! Missed call from Kyle's mom at 1 in the morning...she's in the hospital with blood clots in her lungs...she lives in Arkansas. OMG OMG OMG. What do we do, what do we do? She assures that she's "okay" despite being in the ICU. She apologizes up and down for "ruining" my birthday. Are you kidding me? I'm ready to jump on a plane right now, fuck my birthday! We have a fun day but our hearts are heavy and we are on edge for the next week.
  
• September 30^th- I get laid off. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
• October: Kyle’s stepmom is diagnosed with breast cancer.  FUCK. OMG. FUCK. OMG. FUCK. This is how Kyle’s grandmother died. We are all an emotional wreck but we keep a positive and hopeful attitude. Fuck you cancer, you’re going down! Losing my job seems so trivial now.
• Late October- It’s Kyle’s 27^th birthday, Halloween and our 6 year anniversary. I’m broke and still unemployed. I’m stressed the fuck out and sad that I couldn’t do the things for Kyle like I had wanted. He always goes above and beyond for me and all I want to do is return the favor.
• November: Kinda starting to feel good about running again, start doing some 2-3 mile runs during the week again, we do the Color me Rad 5k as a group and have a blast, and I do a long run of 6 miles that actually feels okay. Woo! I decide I still have enough time to train for the IMS Marathon in the February!
  

  

  4 Fit Friends (+Andrea) do the Color Me Rad 5k!

• Kyle and I break up. I’m sad; I’m angry. What’s next, a car accident? It doesn’t feel like it things can get much worse from here but I have great friends who helped me get through those first couple of days. I’m going to take this moment to thank Hannah for reaching out to me and graciously buying me a couple of drinks – prior to this we had never hung out just the two of us and it REALLY meant a lot to me!
• Novermber 16^th- I do my first ever trail 5k. It's tough but I end up getting 8th place in my age group and it helps me keep my mind off things. until I reach the finish line and I realized Kyle is not there. Seeing his face at the finish line is always my favorite part of running a race. 

  

  Coming down the trail

  
  
• Kyle and I get back together. This is long drawn out story but we basically decide to work things out because we never stopped loving each other, we just started fighting a lot more towards the end. We both know it’s going to be a long and narrow road to a successful relationship, but we plan on doing whatever it takes to get there.
• I am feeling better about my relationship; I am feeling better about running. I do 3 runs during this week, including some speed work. I fall into the same pattern of running again: feels great, feels, okay, OUCH. I do an Ugly Sweater 5k on Nov. 23^rd with Kyle and his family and we have a great time. It was so much fun, except for the excruciating pain in my lower legs. FUCK. I can’t afford to go to the doctor and see what’s going on. I can’t afford surgery. I can’t afford physical therapy or sports massages. I can’t afford new running shoes. I. GIVE. UP.
  

  

  Post Ugly Sweater 5k beers (well mine's technically a cider..)

• December: The bad: I still have no job. I cannot run (I’ve tried short runs here and there and it just is not happening. It actually hurts to walk sometimes :/). The IMS Marathon is now out of reach. I cannot run the half marathon I am signed up for this weekend. The good: Kyle and I are doing pretty well. It hasn’t always been rainbows and butterflies since getting back together, but we are both trying so hard to correct the problems that made us break up. We are having fun with each other more and not letting stress weasel it’s way between us as much. Things feel good. Kyle’s stepmom is doing well with chemo…I mean despite the hair loss and nausea and all the other harsh realities of chemo but she is a fighter and is still as feisty as ever and getting around on her own okay.

Things are shitty for everyone at one point or another and things just happen to be shitty for me right now. I know this is temporary. I know I will find a job. I know I will have health insurance once again and be able to visit the doctor and see what’s going on with my legs. I know I will run a marathon someday (hopefully sooner than later). I know Kyle and I will make it past this rough patch, because you simply just don’t give up on the one person you love most in this world. I know Kyle’s stepmom is going to beat cancer and come out stronger than ever. And most importantly I know that some other shitty stuff will happen along the way, but at the end of the day, life is good. I MUST always remember this. I have someone who loves me. I have two dogs who love me. I have parents and a brother who love me. I have a second family who loves me thanks to Kyle – I am so thankful that they have accepted me into their from day one. And I have some of the greatest friends a girl could ask for who love me. 

What else do I need? Everything else is just icing on the cake. 

                                                -Crystal