Amanda: Weight Training

Clearly, I had developed issues with food and weight management at an early age.
I had just turned one and I had hit rock-bottom... kidding!

As a youngster, fresh, healthy food wasn't always a priority in my house. I grew up in a single parent household and we didn't have a lot of money, and by didn't have a lot I mean we had very little. Meals at home weren't nearly as common as hitting the drive through on the way home from school, and even meals at home were usually meals of convenience. Frozen lasagna, canned soups, etc... This definitely affected the way I ate, it still does! All through high school I lived on raw cookie dough, vending machine food, cans of frosting, black coffee and cigarettes and I skated by weighing 140lbs the whole time. Which was rad! Exercise was literally the last thing on my mind, since I was really active in theater (and being raised by a single-mom) I never asked for help lifting heavy cables, moving lights or building sets. In P.E. however my gym teacher actually told me that I ran slower than her dead grandmother. Still, I didn't see the problem, my weight pretty much always stayed the same. Gym was first period so this seemed like a great excuse to sleep in.

After graduating I got a completely inactive desk job and immediately gained 30 pounds! A friend and I hit the gym together, lost a little bit and then stopped going-because that's how you do it right? Soon after that I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) we were young, in love and so dumb. We lived off of $1 frozen pizzas, vodka and juice boxes for about a year. Needless to say we got a little chunky. At some point our collective pudge got annoying and we started working out together. Between working out at the gym and working out at home we started to become a little less jiggly, which is a great quality to have in a relationship that involves regular nudity.

At the same time I started questioning why in the hell I wasn't a vegetarian. Seriously, I would never kill a cow or a chicken, or even a fish. When my grandpa used to take me fishing I would cry so hard that he just gave up on trying to catch fish or put worms on hooks and we just sat next to the lake and ate cheese curls together while sitting next to a useless smelly tackle box.

I had some great friends around that were inspirational vegetarians for me, and I picked their brains for how in the hell to do it. And then I just did it. I slipped up every now and then; sometimes I got angry, insisting to my future-husband that the imitation crab meat in crab angels must certainly be something that did not come from an animal. Sadly, I was wrong. Soon after that I gained even more weight. What the hell man!? I didn't get it; I must have an under active thyroid, or a tumor or something. Vegetarians are fit as fuck!

Someone finally asked me where I buy all my fruits and vegetables, this question did not compute. I did not, in fact, buy any fruits or vegetables. Last time I checked carbonated energy drinks and onion rings were meat-free and therefore a part of a normal vegetarian diet. This was a light bulb moment, maybe a dimly lit flickering light bulb moment but it happened nonetheless.

At the recommendation of a friend I started participating in a local produce co-op where I received a large laundry basket full of fresh fruits and vegetables in exchange for my $15 contribution and volunteer work. Which was incredible! Except I had no idea what to do with any of it. So week by week, I scoured the internet for ways to eat green beans, artichokes, pomegranates, cucumbers, tomatoes, persimmons.. You name it, I had no idea how to eat it. I hadn't seen vegetables outside of a can for pretty much my whole life, and I sure as hell had no interest in a weird ass avocado at that time.

I've pretty much been doing that for the last 5 years. Food has become such an integral part of my life that everyone knows I’m awake at 5 am on Saturday morning to volunteer for my coop, so I’m always available as a designated driver Friday nights. More friends than I can count have come over during days when I am googling my heart out over an Asian pear, at which point I usually shove some experimental dish in their faces and ask their opinions. Sorry ‘bout it.

At the same time I lost the weight I had gained as an aspiring vegetarian, and hovered around the same area. I started going back to the gym, but kept pretty much the same patterns up. Gain a few pounds, do cardio 5 days a week, lose a few pounds, stop going to the gym; soon enough I joined the yo-yo dieting community I had been hearing about since I was a little girl. Each time I hit what I perceived as a failed goal I became more and more upset with myself. Each time I told myself that I had failed. I was a vegetarian god damn it, I ate vegetables, I should be skinny already! But I was always falling short. There was a period of time where I was eating green smoothies only, riding my bike to and from work, and then taking 1-2 hours worth of classes at the gym and my body still didn't look the way I thought it should.

I was ready to give up. Each time I told myself I would weigh as much as I did in high school, I failed. When I told myself I would shrink my ass down to this many inches, I failed. And each time I ‘failed’ I really did hate myself a little bit more. It’s embarrassing to say now but I feel like I’m not the only one who’s done this! I put so much emphasis on how I looked, or how I thought I should look, or what clothes I should look good in that I beat myself up about it. Hard! I was absolutely my own worst enemy and eventually I just wanted to give up, get fat and eat all the cookie dough, vending machine food, cans of frosting, black coffee and cigarettes that I could to speed up the process. I got depressed. I hated everything. My job, my clothes, my face, everything that I did or that happened to me was just the worst! I was a moody nutjob and I was pretty much settling on being fat and grumpy forever.

Around this time a friend of mine would not shut the hell up about Bodybuilding.com and the free 12 week trainer he used to get super ripped. I was like, “Dude… STFU. I’m trying to get fat over here.” But I guess the nonstop barrage of information he was spouting from Bodybuilding.com eventually sank in to my subconscious, because one day at work (while dutifully hating my job) I started perusing the website on my phone. Specifically, I found the transformation section. I could not get enough. I read through every transformation story I could get my hands on; men, women, teens, over 40. I related to almost all of them, and they all inspired me. This lead me to begin my first 12 week trainer with Jamie Eason’s Live Fit program, and I learned so much about weight-lifting, proper nutrition, and even ran further and faster on the treadmill than I had ever in my life! My weight did not change that much, but I lost inches, and dropped my body fat percentage by 5% in 12 weeks’ time. More importantly I was able to track actual improvement, when I started shoulder presses at 5lbs and ended lifting 20lbs I didn't want to shut the hell up about it. With weight lifting I found actual, tangible successes that I didn't get when I looked at the numbers on the scale.

Ever since then, I've been hooked. I struggle, all the god damn time. I can go two days without exercising and feel just as bad as I did before I ever started lifting weights. I’m still learning, now I know when I feel myself slipping up, instead of giving in and closing the curtains and chowing down on junk food I need to get up and move! I feel better instantly. This is just another way for me to hold myself accountable, find some inspiration, educate myself, and push my own boundaries. I’m glad I get to participate in this with some awesome friends, who are probably going to make me do all kinds of things I don’t want to do. It’s going to be great!